important lessons

i don't mean to get all that guy who hosts project runway on y'all, but there are a couple outfits i've noticed recently that warrant mentioning. take this as a form of warning, because trust me, if you wake up and accidentally dress yourself in the following ways, you'll end up wanting to cry and/or vomit-cry by the end of the day.

1) sailors and whores are not the same thing: if you want to dress up like a sailor, fucking go for it. me, i choose not to. i think it looks stupid and i also think halloween is sacred. that said, if you're the kind of person that likes to dress like a sailor and then go to work, DO NOT paint your face like a goddamn limited edition raggedy anne streetwalker doll. why? because a) you'll look like a dicktard and b) people won't know whether to proposition you or give you some vitamins to ward off scurvy, and people don't like to be confused in this way.

2) weaponry and clothes are not the same things: when you shred up kimonos and then shred up throwing stars and then fuse them into a blouse, it means you're wearing the equivalent of an offensive 7th grade social studies project. this is a problem.